Have You Made Your Partner Important Enough in Your Relationship?

A question I get asked so often relates to when there are so many demands on a couple how should they set their priorities.

One such question I received recently went something like this:

"I am a 22 year old lass. I have been in a relationship for 6 years. He loves me a lot and can't live without me, but at some point in time I feel neglected and taken for granted. He has set up his new business very recently. I understand his work and peer pressure and his responsibilities, but many-a-times his 'not giving time to me' attitude hurts me a lot and makes me frustrated. That results in our fights over small issues. What should I do?"

Here are two people doing whatever they can to make a go of it in their relationship with so many things placing demands on their time. For him his business is obviously new which requires many hours to ensure its success. If he's not there then the business could likely fail. So he is fairly likely very stressed and just managing himself from day to day.

The couple have known each other for six years so this is now a long term relationship which I presume has a consideration of marriage and family attached to it. However the lass in this couple is feeling left out and ignored at the cost of the work required to get the business up and running.

So there are a couple of things that could possibly be going on here. Either this issue is reflecting something lacking in she or he that needs to be addressed or something lacking in their relationship that needs to be addressed.

I'll break these down a little further to see if I can make more sense of this.

I hear the lass say she understands her partner's need to focus on his business and the responsibility that starting a new business involves. I also note in a comment this lass makes about "peer pressure" that there's a sense in her that her partner is maybe also spending time with his mates, and maybe, as she sees it, at the expense of her.

This raises for me a whole set of questions about the security of this lass in their relationship aside from what her partner is doing with his time. This might also reflect a lack of confidence in her. If your belief is such that you know that you are worthy of your partner's love then you will have it without having to fight for it.

You see I think how much time we actually spend with our partners is less important than the quality of that time or the underlying feeling of being, despite their work commitments, more important than anything or anyone else. So a couple might be busy with their lives many hours a day, or even be absent with work that takes them far away from their home town altogether, and still have a very deep and meaningful connection with each other. Each of them just knows that they are still the most important person in the life of another wherever they are.

I would also like to say something about what I'm reading into this question regarding where the man in this relationship is at. What I'm presuming here is that he is indeed very busy in his new venture and rightfully needs to spend time to make his business a success. I also read that it's also important for this man to have some out time which he spends with his mates, maybe even instead of with his partner. So I'm wondering given his partner's frustration and hurt that he has not yet decided that his relationship is really important enough that he is able to assure her of his commitment and love regardless of where he is and what he is doing.

My summation of all of this is simply this: In order to have a long lasting and successful relationship you must ensure that no matter where you are or what you are doing your love is unquestionably with your partner every minute of the day. Even more important is that they know it and feel it.

Relationships naturally take time but what I'm talking about here is more about a fundamental connection you have with each other that never dims even when you are miles away from each other or doing something else.

My thinking then for this couple is that they have some things to sort out and it's not just about how many hours he works or how much time he spends with his mates but about their commitment and deep love of each other allowing them both to feel secure in their relationship. If this were truly the case then every spare minute they have would naturally be with each other as this would be where their love for each other replenishes and energizes them.