The Best Way To Enjoy Your Friends And Endure Your Enemies

If you are going to live a life without angst, anger and aggression, you have to simplify.

If you are consistently in a state of irritation, you are going to have to decide.

If you are constantly having arguments, you are going to have to change.

If you want to have a fun-filled life full of love, you have to be proactive.

I have distilled life into a wonderfully simple formula - LOVE OR AVOID.

Either LOVE the people in your life, or AVOID them.

If you LOVE them, then LOVE them unconditionally, be happy for them, be proud of them, want the best for them, and above all, enjoy them.

If you are irritated by the people in your life, then AVOID them - if you AVOID them for long enough, you'll end up getting rid of them completely, and that is a good thing.

Now, I am not so naive as to think that we can only LOVE OR AVOID people; I am aware that we live in the real world and we have to deal with real situations; I have a solution for that too -

When confronted with people (at work or at play) who we would rather AVOID, then it simply requires a change of attitude - we just have to remember that this interaction is temporary, not permanent, and therefore we can deal with it because it is unAVOIDable at present and AVOIDable in the end.

The above advice does not include family issues - these are to be AVOIDed at all costs if they cause pain, suffering, anger or irritation - I have long taught that family members should not be given special abuse privileges just because "they are family" - that is a fool's game.

With family issues, I always prescribe AVOIDance - do not endure Thanksgiving, Christmas or Chanukah with people you cannot stand because "they are family"; do not waste days of your life or money in your bank account on people who give you little to no pleasure; do not be suckered into thinking you should be involved with people you have nothing in common with just because "they are family" - that does nobody any favors.

It is time that we were able to design our lives to suit ourselves rather than accepting the life we were given.

We should spend time with people we LOVE.

We should AVOID all others.

And if we are caught in a situation that requires spending time with people we would rather AVOID, then we should do our level best to keep the interaction quick and painless (or amusing and hilarious).

LOVE OR AVOID is a simple mantra for a simple life that leads to a better quality of living.

Listen. Learn. Enact.

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Four Ways to Create Happy and Healthy Relationships

For most women, healthy relationships are an essential component to living a happy and contented life. They bring us a sense of joy, purpose and connectedness. And while healthy relationships can add so much to our lives, it can often seem like they are more chance, than choice, and illusive, rather than purposeful. But the reality is that we have much influence over how we experience relationships and ourselves in them.

Creating happy and healthy relationships begins with energetically setting the foundation of the relationship so that the relationship can express the fullest potential of what we desire - whether that be love, recognition, support, etc. Are you aware of the foundation you are creating in your relationships? When you become conscious of the foundation, you then have choices, tools and the ability to create a foundation which supports what you want to experience as you connect with others.

Our energetic foundation begins with our personal beliefs, perceptions and past experiences which creates a dominant vibration or signal which then translates into direct and indirect communication. Our dominant vibration directly turns into our words, actions and behaviors. Indirectly, our dominant vibration is the essence of us which others feel, interpret and experience on many different levels. Since over 80% of communication is nonverbal, we all are communicating with energy long before words are spoken or actions are taken.

If you want to experience healthy, supportive and loving relationships, here are four ways to consciously create a foundation which will allow this to unfold in the best possible way.

1) Be open to receiving. Many women feel that they are the givers in their relationships and they don't have anyone who is giving to them. If your dominant energy pattern is something along the lines of "I'm fine. I got it. I'm good. I can do it on my own", then there is an unconscious pattern blocking your receptivity to support, help, love, etc.

As women, we have been taught that our worth is tied up in what we do for others - in our giving - so we limit or block our receiving because that doesn't give us a sense of inherent value or worth. We often confuse giving as a one way process. We forget that if there was no one to receive, we would have nothing to give. This holds true in that we can give others the pleasure in giving to us.

So play with allowing others to give to you and responding with a smile and a thank you. This could be on the spectrum of letting someone hold the door open for you to letting a loved one help you in some significant way.

2) Stay yourself. Another common experience women have is they lose their sense of self or identify when in relationships. We mistakenly believe that if we put our own wants/needs/desires aside that somehow that will strengthen our relationships or at least keep us connected to others.

We think if we make it all about them, the relationship with flourish. And often it does feel good at first, but the longer we discount ourselves, including our intuition, our needs, wants and desires, the more we open the door to feelings such as bitterness and resentment and beliefs such as being taken advantage of or we don't matter.

So take a risk and play with being transparent in your relationships. Maybe you reveal something about yourself or are completely honest in asking for what you want.

3) Shift your focus. Often, women believe that they don't have any control in their relationships. This can express as thoughts such as "if only he loved me, he would... " or "if only my boss would recognize me, than... " It's as if we are at the whim and mercy of others and do not have the ability to influence our own experience.

Often what is happening is that we are mistakenly trying to control what is out of our control and neglect what is actually in our control. We have control over our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and choices. We do not have control over what others are experiencing including their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and choices. When we can let go of exhausting ourselves and our energies by trying to control others, this opens the door for us to take 100% responsibility for how we experience others and therefore create transformation.

Shift your focus from trying to make another person feel something to connecting to how you feel. Explore your own feelings through writing, playing or speaking them directly to another.

4) Shine your light. Many women hold themselves back in relationships, perhaps to stay inside comfort zones or to not threaten others. We think "who am I to do all that? Who am I to play so big in the world? Who am I to shine so bright? Others are certainly more capable, experienced, talented or thinner." These thoughts, beliefs and feelings are what prevent us from experiencing what we are truly capable of.

When we play small, we create an void inside of us that we look to others to fill. We seek for others to give us a sense of self esteem, value and worth which can lead to an exhaustible external search. The self esteem we desire truly comes from within.

Notice what is already inside of you, just waiting for your permission to burst forth and shine. What natural talents, abilities and gifts are ready be unleashed in the world?

When we become aware of how we have energetically set up relationships, we can see that we have many choices for change and transformation. When you open yourself up to receive, stay yourself, shift your focus and shine your light, you build a strong foundation for creating happy and healthy relationships.

In Light and Love,

Gabrielle--

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How Can People Have Both Passion and Stability in Their Relationships?

What does passion mean to you? It can mean a lot of different things to different people: sexual passion, emotional passion, religious passion, passion about values...

Passion is energy -- uncontrolled, powerful energy, from the depths of our being. It is focused, motivated, alive, and connected with the forces of life.

Passion can have a huge effect - either positive or negative. It has moved mountains and it has destroyed nations. How do we allow full passion to exist in our relationships without blowing them apart?

In relationships each partner can trigger, for the other, intensely volatile emotions that can seem like life and death issues, threatening what is the most important to the other. There is also potent potential for ecstasy, and incredible growth.

Do most stable relationships have passion in them after a while? Not if they remain stable. Why? Because passion can be dangerous and can split people apart. Passion can result in abusive behavior. It's playing with fire; but the fire is essential for any worthwhile endeavor if we're going to live our lives and be alive while we do it.

Anytime we let anyone close emotionally we're getting to a place where uncontrolled energy can be released - either in positive or negative directions. In a healthy relationship the energy released is positive and inspiring for anyone in contact with it. The energy is going toward love, growth, and expansion.

In dysfunctional relationships the energy released can be horrendous, with everyone running for cover. People can do desperate and destructive things toward each other - if they even stick around long enough for that to happen. That is because in dysfunctional relationships the passion is, in large part, going into projection, when deep issues from the past are being triggered by your partner. Projection means when we think that other person is the source the painful feelings we are feeling.

In general, relationships bring up deep unresolved issues from childhood (limiting decisions*) giving you the opportunity to work through them. Most people have areas of deep pain that they have the tendency to project onto other people. You can either use this intense experience to confirm the distortion of the limiting decisions* as reality, or you can use it for transformation. In other words, you can either take responsibility for the pain as coming from yourself, or project the pain onto the other person.

For many people, the goal in their relationship is to get immediate satisfaction. And often at the beginning of the relationship, you get attracted by the potential for this. But when reality hits, and you find yourself in the midst of life happening, outside the glow of the fantasy of falling in love, the real issues start coming up. At this point your partner often takes on the symbolism of your childhood primary relationships (generally your father or mother), including whatever unresolved issues you have with them, that have to do with intense basic human needs and desires, such as love, acceptance, survival and safety - and especially the potential for deep union with the other. These can bring up intense pain.

If you are open to personal growth, this serves to greatly motivate you to work on yourself and the relationship. But if you are invested in trying to get immediate satisfaction the way things currently are, this can lead to very volatile emotions, because you are going in a direction where there isn't a solution. You end up blaming your partner for your pain, as if he or she is the source of it. And that's when passion can become dangerous.

The solution lies in shifting your focus from an investment in immediately getting your needs met by your partner -- to recognizing that passion in relationships is connected to a larger soul purpose, having to do with each of you following your own path in life, including your own personal transformation. If you don't make a larger truth the focus of your relationship, but instead make your focus safety, security, stability and comfort, the passion will likely either dissipate or tear the relationship apart. If you do open up to a larger purpose for your relationship you will find it is an amazing journey, with enormous potential for growth and transformation.

*Limiting decisions: An NLP term used in NLP TimeLine counseling sessions to mean unconscious decisions made in early childhood that are some form of that life doesn't work, and usually that there is something inherently wrong with you -- such as "I am powerless," "bad," "without value;" or "The world is a dangerous place," "People can't be trusted," and so on.

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An Important Lesson From The School Of Life

As convenient as SCHOOL may or may not be...

As inconvenient as LIFE may or may not be...

There is one thing for sure - LIFE is a far better teacher than SCHOOL.

Yet, SCHOOL seems to be the education we adhere to, forgetting that LIFE is what we have to deal with.

Is it not time that we listened to what LIFE is telling us?

Is it not time that we educated our children about LIFE (instead of SCHOOLing them with fairy tales)?

Is it not time to be honest with ourselves and our children, and actually admit that most of what we accept is a total lie?

The standard education system tells us that success is financial - it totally ignores the physical and the emotional.

The current system of education does not teach anyone how to be a parent - it teaches us how to be dependent.

The American school system is considering pizza as a vegetable because of the tomato sauce - god help me... oh, I forgot, if there was a god, she would not have allowed us to be so stupid.

When will we actually begin to teach our children what they really need to know?

And when will we start to accept what we already know?

LIFE is difficult - we all know that.

Relationships are hard work - we all hope not.

The financial system is a mess - we all wish it wasn't.

The health of the population of the United States is a joke - we all laugh at that.

Instead of teaching our children that they should spend more than they earn so they do not have to confront any form of responsibility; instead of telling ourselves that we know how to parent without even considering how ill-prepared we truly are; instead of pretending that a pill will make us healthy; instead of believing that there is one person on this planet who is perfect for us - why don't we stop...

And think...

And look at how LIFE really is...

And then work within the reality of money, health and relationships...

The SCHOOL OF LIFE is very clear if you open your eyes.

The SCHOOL OF LIFE repeats its lessons over and over and over again.

Start learning from the SCHOOL OF LIFE -

The financial markets go round and round in circles - highs and lows.

Relationships that blossom too soon will implode quickly - the good ones build calmly.

If you eat too much and do not exercise you will be fat - and there are no excuses when it comes to weight.

Start to look at the SCHOOL OF LIFE and you will begin to see that spending more than you earn is a fool's game; that depending on someone else for emotional or financial stability is a losing game; that refusing to exercise whilst indulging yourself is a fat person's game; that waiting for someone else to complete you is a weak game.

Don't be miseducated by the fairy tales, the fantasy, the lies, the religions, the hopes and dreams of the past, or the desperation of the future - be intelligent, open your eyes, accept the truth and live by the rules of the SCHOOL OF LIFE.

The SCHOOL OF LIFE rewards the individual, exalts the independent, admires the respectful and encourages fairness for all...

But the SCHOOL OF LIFE does not graduate the weak, the needy or the desperate...

Always maintain a sense of self, a sense of achievement, a sense of independence, a sense of reality and the ability to be better than your past - then the SCHOOL OF LIFE will be worth the cost of the education it delivers.

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Stop Being A Statistic

There is a statistic that says 'people in happy marriages live longer'. This statistic is touted by the pro-marriage lobbyists as a reason to get married.

What about the people in UNhappy marriages? There are way more of those to deal with. This statistic about marriage and longevity is not a statistic at all - it's the logical outcome of a basic premise. If you are happy you are more healthy, if you are healthy you live longer - logic - nothing more, nothing less. The same statistic also suggests that single people are not as happy as married people. This statistic hints that single people are unhappy, miserable little trolls with no hope of ever being happy.

I agree.

What? I agree that single people are unhappy, miserable little trolls?!

That's outrageous.

But it's basically true - through no fault of the single person... Single people are made to feel as if something is wrong with them because they are single... Single people are prodded for being 'single' and not married, as if there is something wrong with them. And the prevalent 'wisdom' on singledom seems to drag the singles down with it... Single people slowly drift into a state of discontent because they have not been validated by marriage. This is a vicious circle started by a statistic that society is happy to encourage; a statistic that holds no water because most marriages are not happy at all.

Time to challenge the statistic, and the conventional 'wisdom'. Time to wake up to reality. The reality is this - you will be a singleton at some point in your life... either for a short while, or for a longer while. And your attitude will make all the difference when you are single. You can either drag yourself into a hole of self-reprimanding depression about singledom...

Or you can flip the 'wisdom' and see yourself as bigger than any statistic.

- You do not need marriage to be happy.

- You do not need marriage to live longer - in fact, marriage will probably make you wish you were going to live shorter.

- You do not need to jump from one relationship to another - you would do better to spend some time as a 'single' in between relationships.

What you need is a change of perspective.

A change of perspective will give you a change of attitude which will give you a boost in confidence and a reason to enjoy your space, freedom and singledom.

* For the record, I view the word 'single' as the worst way to describe yourself - I preach and teach that you should always be 'multiple'; not multiple like a slut or a stud, but 'multiple' like a person who has multiple options and opportunities, multiple choices and chances. Tell people you are 'multiple' and they will immediately want to know more... Tell people you are single and they will pity you.

If you allow a statistic to make a decision for you then you are going to end up miserable and married... not just miserable. If you accept that a statistic is a good reason to make a counter-intuitive decision, then you deserve to be miserable and married. If you refuse to challenge this statistic then you will end up on the stepping stones followed by the rest of your family and friends which has led to a large (and unacceptable) majority of them being miserable and divorced because they thought marriage would make them feel better (and they were wrong).

I would like you to challenge the conventional wisdom; to realize that your marriage will not make you happy - your attitude and effort will. I would like you to challenge the statistics; to realize that being unmarried does not make life all doom and gloom - if you embrace your freedom, build up your confidence and look after yourself, then you can live a happy, healthy and wealthy life whichever way you choose to go - 'multiple' or married - although I would always encourage 'multiple' over married.

63% of statistics are made up on the spot. I just made that up. Do not allow statistics to shape your life - make up your own opinions, develop your own style of lunacy, live for yourself and include others in your happiness. By embracing every stage of your life, by refusing to be weighed down by statistics, by letting go of the agenda, you will find that every situation is an opportunity, and every opportunity is a pleasure.

This article is sponsored by medical case study.

Relationships: To Leash or Not To Leash (That Is The Question)

I was in the pet store this afternoon looking at buying leashes for my cats. I know what you're thinking, a leash for a cat, what are you crazy? I'm not crazy, I just love my pets and I want to find ways to enrich their lives. I figured it was a better option then the covered baby stroller.

Well I didn't come home with a leash, but the whole process did get me to thinking. Does letting a man have "off leash" time strengthen your relationship with him?

Here is a great example of what I'm talking about. I live in Southern California and on Sundays I love to go to a place called Dog Beach. It's a small beach that allows people to bring their dogs and let them "off leash" to play. Every Sunday people arrive at the beach with their dogs. There are dogs of all shapes, sizes and breeds with one thing in common, they are all excited and can't wait for their owners to unclip that leash and let them run and play.

Once that leash is unclipped, every single dog goes sprinting towards the water. And then something amazing happens, they realize that they've gone too far away from their owners and they come running back. I imagine if they could talk, they would be saying to their owners, "Hurry up! It's going to be so much fun! But you have to be there so you can have fun too!" It wasn't a leash that brought them back, they came back because they wanted there owners to share in the fun.

After playing in the surf and chasing the other dogs around, it's time to go home. As the owners head back to their waiting cars, their dogs are trotting by their side, just as happy as can be and amazingly not a leash in site. As they get closer to the street the leashes get clipped back on, and the dogs don't seem to mind at all. Probably because they know that come next Sunday, they'll get to do it all over again.

So maybe, if we let our men "off their leash" on a regular basis, they would have the same reaction. They would run off to have fun, but realize they wanted us with them. And when play time was over, and the leash goes back on, they wouldn't mind it so much because they would know that they'll get to have some more "off leash" time real soon.

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How to Make Her Feel Special - Everyday

Men and women will always be different. We like that they're wired and tick differently. At times though, it can make our heads spin. But we need to make her feel special and appreciated. Men think problems out; most of the time on their own. Women like to talk it out; with you or a friend. We could spend a life time trying to figure out the opposite sex. We could possess all the knowledge from the previous millennium's and still need to explore further. And while each woman is different and unique there are a few similarities they all share. And within these similarities there is a recurring theme - It won't make sense to me or you, and we won't be able to reason or rationalize it in our brains. Then it hit me. I don't need to rationalize it. All I need to do is understand that women are different and accept it.

Here's how to understand her and do things for her even when you don't get it.

Listen to her and use every muscle in your brain to not think about how you can fix it for her. Think back to the last time you were stuck in a jam and just needed a friend to listen. For us men this doesn't happen very often. But when it does it's usually after exhausting all other options and we just need a friend that'll listen.

Women are similar, except that the listening part comes more often. They're wired differently. That's why we like them. Women like to communicate. We do too, but they do more. What I mean by this is that topics we find unnecessary or irrelevant could be important to her. This should make it important to you too. We might resolve it in our head, but they'll talk it out. What we call "venting" might be how she processes and shares with you the events of her day.

When she comes home and shares with you a frustration from her day try to look at it from the perspective of she wants to include you in her day. Not fix her day. If she wants you to fix it, she will let you know. You might think that if you "fix it" now then you'll be saving her from a potential frustrating day down the road. This may be true. But when she's sharing her day aka "venting" with you this is not the time to "fix it". If you absolutely feel you need to bring it up, than do so later. Appreciate her venting and be thankful you're even a part of her day.

Learn her love language. There's only 5 so it shouldn't be too tough. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. If you're unfamiliar with these 5 love languages I suggest you learn about them. These love languages aren't strictly for women. Us men have them too. For me it's quality time. I can remember growing up wanting to spend more quality time with my dad. But he wasn't there. I didn't quite realize why it was so important to me until I came to learn that this was my primary love language.

In your relationship it's important to know hers. For you it might be Receiving Gifts so you go and buy her expensive gifts. You even did all your homework and planned gifts for a year. Now if her love language is Words of Affirmation than you're not hitting the bull's-eye. You're coming close but still missing. I'm not saying she won't appreciate the gift because she will. But if you really want to make her feel special than learn her love language.

Date night. Spending time together comes first. Finding the time to spend together also comes first. I used to think that men were supposed to put providing for their family above all else. For those of us that are single it can be in preparation for providing; studying, workaholic or fill in the blank. It's called being responsible or so I thought. I even thought that this was what woman wanted. A few years ago a girl I was dating told me I was selfish. I didn't get it then. I was being responsible for my own priorities. Not the priorities we shared. What I've come to realize is that a relationship is like taking a journey together and having an adventure. If you're absent or not on the path, than you're not part of the adventure. Being "busy" is no excuse for not making time for the one who is most important in your life. And if we're honest with ourselves we know that we can create time when it's a priority.

Make up a holiday. You don't have to follow the calendar to plan a special evening for her. Sure those pre-decided dates like anniversaries help. Especially for us men that need to plan things out. Make one up though and put it on your calendar. A holiday just for her. You might find that this also helps with the business.

Buy a gift for no reason because women love gifts. It doesn't matter how grand it is. A little gesture goes a long way. 9 out of 10 guys have a tough time gift shopping. What I try to do is listen throughout the year for gift ideas. Trust me, they do throw hints out there and if you're listening you'll catch one. If you do go with this idea remember that it doesn't replace expected gifts like birthdays, anniversaries, etc...

Do not combine gifts. If her birthday falls on Dec 26th do not combine her birthday gift with her Christmas gift. Do not even combine her birthday party with the Christmas party. These are two different events for two different people. Make sure she knows she's the center of your attention.

Push Gift aka Push Present is a new concept for me. My coworker told me about it (he actually gets credit for "Date Night" too) and said mothers really appreciate it. A Push Gift is given by the new father to the new mother when she gives birth to their child. Considering she carried and delivered a child a gift is nothing in comparison but the gesture will be appreciated. It can be given before, during or even after the delivery room.

Do the little things like taking out the trash, putting down the toilet seat, creating a grocery list if you can't remember them all, fixing the clogged sink, actively communicating, making breakfast or getting the kids ready so she can sleep in. Any of these loving gestures will not make you less of a man. Sometimes we complain about the woman in our life nagging us. For some of us though they ask and ask again while watching TV; right after saying we don't have time. Excuses-No matter how rationalized in your brain is still an excuse. Be responsible and fulfill your duty.

Each of these ideas have their time and place. One does not replace the other. Some men only buy flowers when they've made a mistake. These ideas are not for that. When it comes down to it, we do the things that make sense to us. We like to do things our way. But what really needs to make sense and be understood here is that they're different and our brains can't solve that. What we can do though is move past it and do some of things we know they like. Don't give up and take it one step at a time to treating her right.

We won't always "get" them, so be thankful this isn't a requirement to making them feel loved and appreciated.

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Manage Stress and Notice How Your Sex Life Improves

Stress can become an all-encompassing feeling. As you strive to achieve all the goals in your life, satisfy the demands being made of you, accomplish all the tasks you need, must, or ought to do you may feel that you have nothing left to give. The stress of these situations can be completely draining. It can occupy your thoughts, dreams, invade all the space inside your head as you constantly worry, fret and remain pre-occupied and absorbed with all you have to do. It's no wonder that there is often little energy, time or interest left for sex when we are stressed.

Learn to manage stress and notice how your sex life improves:

- Associated feelings often accompany stress. Emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy and anger often feature and these impact on the way you behave when you're with others. When you feel upset or distressed with colleagues, friends, family or partner it can influence the way you relax elsewhere.

You may find that stress from one area seeps into another area of your life as negative emotions and pressure increases and becomes more difficult to contain. There may be a desire not to burden those closest to you, or feelings of embarrassment at being in this situation. Often sharing your stresses can help you feel better and more supported.

- There may be resentments at feeling that you're doing everything, anger that you're taken for granted, unappreciated, that others should offer to help and do more but don't, jealousy that others get all the recognition and accolades whilst you do all the work. Feeling stressed makes these scenarios more hurtful and difficult to bear. Negative emotions can eat away at you and are not conducive to a good sex life.

Hypnotherapy can help you relax and let go of negative feelings and emotions and feel better able to cope. As you learn to manage stress more effectively you'll become more confident, assertive and able to relax, have fun in your relationships and subsequently notice how your sex life improves.

- Introducing boundaries is an important way to learn to manage stress. Become aware of how much of your power you give away to others. Do you allow people to constantly interrupt your life with their demands, problems, issues? It's no wonder that you're too emotionally drained for sex. You may even find that when they're not speaking directly to you their voices still resonate in your head. Introducing boundaries, becoming appropriately assertive, but not aggressive can help to even out the balance in demanding relationships and allow other people to become aware that you too have a life that you're determined to enjoy.

- Work is an area that occupies many people's thoughts and causes them stress. Do you feel that you take on too much, perhaps out of a desire to prove that you're good, competent, capable? Managing time better can help with this as busy people often start several tasks at once in a bid to make inroads into their overflowing pile of outstanding work.

If you're asked to take on work that's urgent try to delegate other tasks, explain to management what else you're working on, prioritize your list of outstanding jobs and try to give yourself a little latitude, maybe explain the need for extra time. Sometimes there is no leeway with urgent deadlines and long hours have to be worked. But as a constant way of life stress ultimately damages your health, drains your energy, good humour and quality of life in a variety of ways.

- Learn to manage stress and eat healthier, have regular meal breaks, drink more water and manage your caffeine and alcohol intake, exercise and commit to having fun interests, avoid going too long without sleep and burning the candle at both ends. These commitments to yourself improve how you feel about yourself, support you in feeling calmer, less tired, more fit and healthy. All these actions improve your desire to feel more inclined to enjoy a healthy sex life.

Libido is one part of sexual functioning. Your mind is an important factor too. Clearing your mind of worries and anxieties, feeling less tired and drained, more relaxed and happier within yourself all contribute to you managing stress. As you do this you will certainly notice how your sex life improves.

Online Body Enhancing To Get Friends, Dates, and Build Relationships Might Be a Mistake

The other day, I was trying to figure out how come so many people with so little experience were able to send out friendship requests on various social networks, specifically those designed for businesses, and within a day or two, they had 400 friends or more. I would say that much of it has to do with doctored photographs, or pictures that perhaps aren't even theirs. In the future this won't be an available tactic due to FRT or facial recognition technology.

Long ago, I had a vendor who had modified his photographs to make himself look as if he had an incredible chiseled body. In reality he did not, but he said by posting those photos online he was able to get more dates, as in girlfriends, and female clientele. However, it would seem to me that eventually the gals he was dating would find out that his body was less than adequate, at least compared to the picture. He wasn't grossly overweight, or ugly or anything like that, but the photos had obviously been Photoshopped.

In rationalizing this, he said it shouldn't matter because often people get body enhancements, facelifts, boob jobs, and what have you, and that isn't the real them either. However, to this comment I would suggest that it is fairer in that case because you get what you see. Whereas Photoshop trickery is almost like bait and switch, it is photograph manipulation and false inducement, and if that were in the business world it would be considered misleading advertising, dishonest marketing, and downright fraudulent.

Indeed, I suppose everyone wants to have good-looking friends on their Facebook page, or on their social network, but if those pictures aren't real, or they've been manipulated, then one has to ask what is the purpose of having fake pictures from less-than-ethical people littered across your social networking page as friends? In many regards we live in a fake world, as people wear suits to prove that they have leadership ability or business sense, and people go out of their way to use nice strong adjectives on their resumes.

Yes, I get all that, it seems to be human nature to pump up your chest to attract the opposite sex. So, is this just another form or extension of an innate characteristic of human beings? If so should it really matter? Or, perhaps you are like me in my thinking, and find that most of this nonsense has gone too far, and it's absolutely unacceptable behavior, and it only leads to hurt feelings, lack of trust, rather than any sort of "winning friends and influencing people" motif. Indeed I hope you will please consider all that and think on it.

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Can Reading Erotic Romance Be Good For Your Relationship?

Right now, the bestselling book on Amazon is Fifty Shades of Grey. This has created an explosion of other similar selling titles, and suddenly more and more women are reading erotic romance novels. But now many people are wondering if reading these stories is good for your relationship?

Let's get straight to the facts then - it certainly can't hurt. Many women say that reading these books can help ignite passion into their lives, and if you have a partner, of course that will usually translate into more passionate nights with them.

The only time it is a problem is if you would rather read your book, than spend time with your partner (although if that's the case there are probably many more issues in your relationship that you need to deal with first).

Many partners usually agree that it does produce more intimate encounters, and even can lead to more experimentation in the bedroom if there is a certain scene that is particularly arousing.

I have no doubt that more couples have been introducing new games and fantasies into their bedrooms after reading Fifty Shades of Grey. And even if you don't try out some of the things that the characters get up to, just thinking about it while you are with your partner can help increase arousal in many women.

Of course, not all good erotic romance stories need to be as extreme as that novel. In fact you can get romances that range from the 'fade to black' scenes in which everything is left up to the reader's imagination, right up to certain fetishes. So really there is something in this genre for every taste.

Most commonly though, is usually the typical male / female scene where the heroine falls for the hero's charms and a passionate night of lovemaking ensues.

Don't always assume that romantica just includes human characters though, paranormal romances with heavy sex scenes are also becoming a mainstream read for many women. It has been said that some women prefer the idea of a vampire or werewolf making love, rather than a real person.

It's still just all fantasy though. And probably the reason why the more extreme books do well - because you don't have to try it in real life, it can stay in your head where it belongs. And if that helps bring couples together, it must be good for the relationship.

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Pink Floyd As Relationship Experts?

Ok, if you're not a Pink Floyd fan - and/or haven't listened to the Dark Side Of The Moon album (it's been pointed out to me recently, by the way, how badly I'm dating myself by even using the term "album") - this article may take you a bit more time to get in the groove of.

There's a song on the Dark Side album called "Speak To Me/Breathe." The first verse contains the following lyrics:

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around, choose your own ground
For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all your touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be

Now, you may be wondering if I've lost my mind, using Pink Floyd as any kind of reference for how you can improve your relationship, but bear with me. What had me even begin to think of this song was a conversation I had with a friend recently about some relationship dynamics they were experiencing. The person was struggling with how to relate to, and be with, the current state of things in what could be a budding relationship without really knowing the "rules of the game." Without certainty about where the other person involved is at about where their relationship is headed, or not, my friend was struggling with how to figure out how to be or what to do without a plan or a sure bead on where the other person "is at."

Now, in any kind of currently "traditional" paradigm, you want to know where you stand... with your partner (if you have one), with your future, with your life plan, with your friends, with your job, etc. If you're like a lot of people, the only surprises you really enjoy are parties, lottery winning, a free car and/or wardrobe, a free trip somewhere great, and - hopefully - an unexpected night of hot sex with your honey. So, to avoid any of the other kind of surprises, you consciously - and more often, unconsciously - try to manipulate, strategize, and "plan" what your future is going to look like. Then, when it doesn't look like it may turn out how you're planning it, you may even then go into trying to adjust variable and control it even more to get it "back on track," right? When you go that route in your relationships, you're likely to have a rough time. This is where Pink Floyd was really onto something in 1973.

When things are starting to feel rough with your Partner, how often do you start "dealing with it" by breathing? In fact, how often do you even pay attention to consciously breathing? I highly recommend trying it. It will get you in your body more, you'll feel more (yes, including difficult feeling, but also including ecstatic ones), and it can even vastly improve your sex life! However, most of us simply react and go up into our strategic brain when things don't look like they're going to plan.

Some of you pretend you don't care... but you really do. You just choose to hide it or withhold it (and what's really going on for you, to boot). If you really care, you need to communicate that to your partner. If your Partner's pissing you off, or hurting your feelings, you need to let them know you care. The passive-aggressive stoic route is way outdated. One way you can choose to go in that kind of situation and if you are withholding is to check out. So, "leave, but don't leave me" can translate into go inside yourself... check in with your heart, gut, and mind to see what's really triggered your reaction, take responsibility for what's really your stuff, and then come back to your partner and fill them in on how you're taking responsibility for your experience!

The lyric of "Look around, choose your own ground" is all about trying to bring FULL awareness to EVERYTHING going on around and in you. It's about being fully present as much as possible with yourself and your partner. If you're not, the ground you choose (i.e., how you're likely to respond) is more likely than not to be distorted and full of projections. Choose what's true for, and in, you... and, then communicate just that... not what you've already decided is true for your Partner.

The rest of the lyrics, to me, speak to the critical skill of recognizing that you (and your Partner) are neither your thoughts nor your opinions (and even perceptions, a lot of the time). To make a relationship work solely from the mind is certainly doable... but, watching paint dry is likely to be vastly more entertaining. To have a really juicy, vibrant, and dynamic relationship (or even life), I suggest you'll do well to pay more attention to what your body tells you and knows... through all five senses and through all your feelings... they're a much better reference point, in my experience. Your body cannot lie to you, no matter what. Your mind? That's a whole 'nother story.

Notice how much you're trying to manage your life and your key relationships to some plan (which you're never going to have a 100% guarantee of working out, no matter how hard you try), and try even a few days of ditching the plan... see how much more present to yourself and your partner you really are... and enjoy the moments more, rather than experiencing moments as benchmark measurements to gauge how well THE PLAN's going.

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Stinginess, Jealousy and Unfaithfulness and the Need for Control Harm Your Relationships

Denying traits, emotions and behaviors and projecting them onto your partner sabotages your relationships. As long as you are not aware of this being the case you will continue harm your relationships time and again. Becoming aware is therefore the key to change.

Here are three examples of the damage denials and projections cause to the relationship.

Meanness & stinginess

Example

Monica and Warren have been dating for three months already and he hasn't yet invited her for a weekend away. To make things worse, sometimes, when they go to a movie or out for dinner, he suggests that she pays a part of what they spend together. Does he have no shame? Shouldn't he be paying for her? What kind of man doesn't pay for his girlfriend?

Explanation

Monica is convinced that she isn't stingy. She simply thinks that the man should pay for everything. She's angry with Warren because he doesn't agree with her.

Analysis

When you don't accept a trait in yourself, like stinginess, for example, you're liable to accuse your partner and get angry at him/her for being "tainted" with stinginess. You might even resort to justifying yourself by stating socially-accepted codes of behavior (such as: "a man should always pay").

Unconscious thoughts of jealousy and unfaithfulness

Example

Harold accuses Susan of cheating on him. And if she isn't being unfaithful, he knows that she has "thoughts" about his friend Art. When Susan gets home late, Harold immediately claims that she must have met Art or someone else.

No matter how much Susan tells him that it is absolutely not true, that she loves him and doesn't want anyone else; that he should know that she's faithful to him - nothing helps. Harold is insistent: if she isn't cheating on him, what other reasons could there be to come home late?

Explanation

Harold is projecting his own wishful thinking on to Susan. Although he perceives cheating as immoral behavior, he feels attracted to other women, but denies his desires and projects them onto Susan.

Analysis

When you have a desire to cheat which you don't accept in yourself, you're liable to project it onto your partners. In fact you're saying: "I'm free of these desires. I don't want to be unfaithful, but you are not free of them". You suspect your partner of cheating; you lose your faith in him/her, and you see any unusual behavior (such as arriving late for a date or staying late at work) as an indication that he/she is being unfaithful. You're also sure that you are right and you are not ready to accept any expression of innocence.

An unconscious need for control

Example

Bill is sick and tired of Evelyn's need to control him! He's fed up with her instructions! He can't stand her telling him what to do any more! Some time away from her wouldn't hurt him. Why did he ever get into such a relationship in the first place, while all he wanted was someone calm and serene?

Analysis

When you're not aware of your need for control, you're liable to perceive yourself as flexible and compromising. At the same time, you're liable to interpret your partner's behavior - even his/her innocent comments and suggestions - as attempts to control you, and you accuse him/her of being dominating and aggressive.

How do repressions, denials and projections harm your relationships?

When you continually accuse your partner for having traits, emotions, needs and fears that you deny within yourself, get angry with him/her and demand that he/she changes, they are liable to react with anger of their own and accuse you in a similar way. As a result, you're liable to find yourselves in a mix of frustration, arguments, misunderstandings and mutual recriminations, thus sabotaging your relationship. You fight, become alienated and maybe even leave your partner or are left by him/her.

Becoming aware of your denials enables you to stop projecting and developing a satisfying relationship

As you develop Self-Awareness and become aware of your denials and projections enables you to take responsibility for your reactions and behaviors, stop projecting onto your partner and proceed to developing a satisfying and healthy intimacy.

This news article is brought to you by SELF-ESTEEM - where latest news are our top priority.

Please Be Nice to Me - 6 Relationship Tips

One of the first lessons children learn after toddlerhood is to "be nice". They're taught "please" and "thank you", to ask before taking, to wait their turn, and to share. It's a first installment in learning how to be nice to other people. As children mature they're taught more ways to be nice. They're taught to notice other people's feelings - "see how Mary is crying because Tommy took her toy", or, "see how Tommy is crying because he got a booboo; do you remember how it felt when you got a booboo?" They're taught, as they get older still, to anticipate people's feelings - "do you think Aunt Celia will like this card?", or, "remember how much Mommy likes the ocean? Do you think she'll like this dolphin bracelet?"

After years of incremental instruction in being nice to people, that very package of thinking and doing is often a casualty of relationships. I can't tell you how often I hear from partners, "I just want him/her to be nice to me." If asked what made a good week, partners very often say, "S/he was nice to me this week."

So here are six ways to be nice to your partner. It won't necessarily salvage a marriage in its death throes, but it will go a long way to nurture, heal, or repair a relationship that still has a chance.

- Good manners - "please" and "thank you" are just as necessary between adults as between children and adults; and good manners don't become irrelevant just because the relationship is an intimate or long-standing one. Courtesy demonstrates consideration and is a lubricant for all interpersonal interactions. The absence of good manners is often a statement of its own about a lack of caring for the other person.

- Spontaneous simple affection - a touch on the back, a soft stroke of the hair, a hand resting on an arm, hand-holding when walking together, a kiss on the forehead when passing by. These simple gestures carry a powerful message of caring and connection. This is not to be confused with sexual overtures, which are a whole different category from being nice. When sexual overtures are the only gestures of affection, partners often reject them out of hand. Partners generally need to be treated nicely and with affection before they can be responsive sexually.

- Thoughtful gestures - "can I get you anything while I'm up?'; "I made you a cup of tea" (especially when brought to the recipient in another room or part of the house); bringing something favored home from the grocery store ("Look, they had those apples you like so much!"). "Thoughtful" carries the clear implication that one partner was thinking, with kindness, of the other.

- Noticing and addressing emotional states - directing your attention to your partner with the intention of assessing how s/he is feeling, and then expressing what you've observed - "You look tired, honey," or "You seem really excited about this project." Noticing carries the message that one partner is significant to the other. This one leads us directly to the next tip à

- Inquiry - either to make an assessment or to pursue one, ask your partner questions. "So, tell me about this new project." Or "How are you doing with this new work schedule?" Receiving an inquiry from someone who matters to you is experienced as very positive. An inquiry carries the implicit message that you were not only noticed but also cared about.

- Being considerate - be as considerate of this person whom you've known intimately and at length as you would be of a relative stranger or a guest. Don't bang around late at night when your partner/guest is trying to sleep; make sure there's milk for the morning coffee; don't hog the remote control; don't interrupt when someone else is talking; etc.

Now, some general reminders and guidance -- these tips apply equally to male and female partners. In our culture we often think of these demonstrations of niceness as being particularly suitable to be received by women. Recent research has clearly demonstrated that men who are the recipients of these kind and thoughtful gestures from their partners are happier in their relationships. Similarly, we think of women typically as being the nurturers in a relationship, but they also need to be the recipients of thoughtful gestures. Niceness needs to happen and to go both ways.

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How to Make Your Man Desire You

So you have been in a relationship for a long time and the passion has cooled down. He no longer looks at you with eyes filled with lust and desire. Your guy would rather sit on the couch with a beer and watch sports than spend a romantic evening with you. Does this sound like your current relationship? If it does, here are some tips on how to make him think about you the way he did when you first met each other.

The first thing you need to realize is that men are generally shallow by nature. Whether they admit it to you or not, your looks are very important to him. A man not only wants to be with a sexy looking woman, he wants other people to see him with a sexy woman. So stroke his ego and make sure you always look your best when you are in public or when the two of you are with friends. If he sees that other men think you are hot, this in turn will make him want you more.

It is important for you to have your own life and hang out with your own friends. If you are always hanging around your man and clinging to him, he will probably start to take you for granted. This could lead to him becoming indifferent about the relationship. He needs his own space as well, so if you are always around, he may resent it and start to pull away.

The key is to make him miss you enough so he really appreciates the time you spend together. Make his interests your own. For example, most men love sports and most women do not. If your man is a sports fanatic, start to watch the games with him and learn the player's names. Even if sports bore you, really make an effort to become knowledgeable about whatever sports he likes best. Watch the games with him and discuss them afterwards. Your man will be very impressed to have a girl who knows about sports. It will be a huge turn-on for him.

Men love public displays of affection. They want to feel loved and desired as much as you do. However, men also like to show off. They get a thrill out of showing other guys what they are getting. So the next time you and your guy are in the midst of a large crowd, surprise him with a deep kiss. He will definitely appreciate it.

Spice up your sex life. Do not let your man get bored in bed. Always keep things new, fresh and interesting. If you always do the same predictable things in bed, you will see your man's sexual desire become less and less. Don't make sex seem like a chore. Find out what his fantasy is and do your best to make it come true. If you keep your man happy and satisfied sexually, he will treat you like a queen.

Every relationship gets a little stale eventually. Follow these steps and you will find that your man will pay more attention to you than he has in a long time.

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5 Romantic Surprises for Your Partner

For many people, surprises may sound really cheesy, but they sure do add more sparks and excitement into any relationship! Not a lot of people are into the habit of giving surprises, yet little did they know that these fire up interest and transform your mundane routines into one-of-a-kind celebrations. Giving out surprises every now and then untangle you and your partner from your day-to-day activities that oftentimes lead you to neglect each other without really intending to.

When this happens, you might end up taking your relationship for granted and leave either of you feeling unappreciated and lonely. But with surprises, you can stop all these on its tracks as they serve as a reminder of how much you really appreciate your partner and also send a message that you will always be there for him or her.

Try out these 5 surprises and witness the rekindling of your relationship flames.

1) Go wild in the kitchen and whip up a delectable dinner for your partner.

At the end of a long, tiring day, you and your better half may no longer be in the mood to make some effort on cooking mouth-watering dishes for supper and just settle for take-outs or microwave-heated leftovers. So there really isn't a better surprise for your partner than a home-made dinner made up of sumptuous entrees, main courses and desserts as she comes home after a long day at work! Make sure that your gastronomic surprise is piping hot and your lover may be eating out of your culinary hands for the next few days or so.

2) Whisk your partner away to a romantic escapade.

If you have no problem with coordinating a gazillion stuff, then planning a surprise vacation for your partner would definitely be a no-brainer for you! Needless to say, arranging a surprise getaway requires you to book flights and hotel accommodations, not to mention reschedule your work as well as your partner's! This may all sound a tad too difficult, but once you see the look of ecstatic incredulity on your partner's face once you show him or her the tickets, it will all be worth it.

3) Do the Kaizen.

Kaizen is the Japanese term for "change for the better" or "improvement". This is a concept that focuses on small changes but big differences and is usually applied to healthcare, games development, business management and engineering. However, you can also do the Kaizen with your relationship by doing small things for your partner! Write your loved one a short poem, do his or her chores, insert some love notes into his or her pockets. These little things will sum up to one humungous pile of happiness and will definitely leave your partner more smitten with your relationship than ever before!

4) Tidy up the nest.

If your partner barely has time to clean up his or her crib, you can surprise him or her by tidying it up all by yourself! Schedule a day when you pack your brooms, mops and dusters, and head over to your lover's abode while he or she is out and about. Do some serious cleaning, fold his or her clothes, arrange the furniture and so on. Once your partner arrives home, he or she would really be glad that you're around and might even ask your hand in marriage right then and there!

5) Put your emotions down in pen.

Our modern times have put the paper and pen on the sidetracks, but this does not hold true for lovers! Nothing spells romantic than a handwritten love letter, poem or a sketch! Your partner will really swoon over by the sight of beautifully crafted masterpiece and will appreciate the effort you've put on it, which will further heighten your romance and intimacy.

Getting into the habit of surprising your partner every once in a while will certainly re-ignite that waning romance! So go ahead and give your relationship that much needed boost now!

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Upgrade to the New Relationship Skills Our Modern World Demands

We've been operating a certain way for a long time now - in our world, in our banks, our corporations, in our governments, every way we can think of - and it seems that what used to work just doesn't work any more. The old structures seem to be falling and crumbling, and people are standing up more and more for freedom every day.

Our world is changing very rapidly, and one consequence is that many of us are in turmoil over relationships that are starting to struggle or are in deep trouble, after working for a long time.

It's because we haven't upgraded our relationship skills to what this changing world of ours actually needs. What we're experiencing is an opportunity to upgrade to a new way of thinking and being, and an invitation to get rid of our old rubbish - the negative, controlling, fearful part of ourselves that has been our second nature for as long as we can remember - so that we don't repeat the mistakes of the past that got us all into this mess in the first place.

This is what the world needs, and it's what our relationships now need as well:

* Authenticity, Honesty & Transparency
* Freedom from Manipulation
* Rebellion against Dictatorship
* A Return to Kindness and Fairness
* An End to War
* Waking up to Injustice
* An End to the Nanny State
* FREEDOM

If your relationship is in any kind of trouble, it will be in response to one or more of the above in your relationship, and it will be coming from you.

Do you want to learn the new relationship skills to heal your marriage or build an incredible one that endures? Start where you are. Observe how you speak to your partner. Look out for your attempts to control him. Watch how you treat him. Be kinder. Be nicer.

Be willing to be vulnerable, to him and with yourself. Be honest with yourself, but be kind to yourself too. Is there anything of the above in your marriage? Would the man you love feel controlled or owned in any way? Is he tired of the same arguments and the same patterns? Does he ever feel he's in trouble with you and might be punished by a cold shoulder, the silent treatment, refusal of sex or affection, or just outright public humiliation by an embarrassing tantrum? Do you manipulate him, either through the unconscious 'womanly wiles' of tears, pouting and whining, or through sneaky attempts to get your own way on something you want?

That's the old way, and it just doesn't work any more. It's time for us to grow up and leave all the tricks behind.

Building a marriage that lasts isn't for the faint of heart. It's not for children or children in woman's bodies who refuse to grow up and be grown ups in a grown up relationship.

To build a better world, we have to face ourselves first. To build a better marriage, we have to do the same. One woman at a time.

Relationships: Wag More, Bark Less (How to Create Instant Change in Your Relationships)

Driving along a few days ago I saw a bumper sticker on the back of a car that said... Wag More, Bark Less. Now I know the sticker was talking about dogs, but what if you followed that same advice for your relationships? What if you started looking for men that wagged more and barked less? Or better yet, what if you were the one that wagged more and barked less? Wouldn't your life be so much more fun surrounded by wagging tails instead of barking dogs?

How do you tell if you have a barker in your life? They are actually pretty easy to spot. They are those negative people in your life. They complain about everything. They put you down, they don't support you. They figure the only way to talk to you is to scream and yell. They're miserable and they want you miserable too.

Waggers on the other hand, they see the positive in people and situations. They are all about supporting you and treating you with love and respect. They realize that they don't need to scream to be heard. To them life is a party and they want you to come and join the fun.

So you realize that you're in a relationship with a barker...now what? Well the first rule in animal training is to never reward bad behavior. So when that man of your starts into his barking ways... ignore him. Yes... ignore him. Just let that barking run it's course. Barking back at him won't do you any good. You'll just end up with a sore throat. You have to wait until the barking session is over to try to change the behavior. Then get your man's attention and show him how to be a wagger.

But what if you realize that you're the barker in your relationship? Congratulations, you've just taken the first step to changing your behavior... awareness. Next, decide if you really want to change and then take daily actions like a wagger. Look for the positive in people and situations. Lower your voice. Do something as simple as put a smile on your face. Give someone a compliment. Don't worry about being a better wagger than someone else, just focus on being a better wagger today than you were yesterday. And before you know it... there's no more barking and you're just wagging your way through your life.

Have You Made Your Partner Important Enough in Your Relationship?

A question I get asked so often relates to when there are so many demands on a couple how should they set their priorities.

One such question I received recently went something like this:

"I am a 22 year old lass. I have been in a relationship for 6 years. He loves me a lot and can't live without me, but at some point in time I feel neglected and taken for granted. He has set up his new business very recently. I understand his work and peer pressure and his responsibilities, but many-a-times his 'not giving time to me' attitude hurts me a lot and makes me frustrated. That results in our fights over small issues. What should I do?"

Here are two people doing whatever they can to make a go of it in their relationship with so many things placing demands on their time. For him his business is obviously new which requires many hours to ensure its success. If he's not there then the business could likely fail. So he is fairly likely very stressed and just managing himself from day to day.

The couple have known each other for six years so this is now a long term relationship which I presume has a consideration of marriage and family attached to it. However the lass in this couple is feeling left out and ignored at the cost of the work required to get the business up and running.

So there are a couple of things that could possibly be going on here. Either this issue is reflecting something lacking in she or he that needs to be addressed or something lacking in their relationship that needs to be addressed.

I'll break these down a little further to see if I can make more sense of this.

I hear the lass say she understands her partner's need to focus on his business and the responsibility that starting a new business involves. I also note in a comment this lass makes about "peer pressure" that there's a sense in her that her partner is maybe also spending time with his mates, and maybe, as she sees it, at the expense of her.

This raises for me a whole set of questions about the security of this lass in their relationship aside from what her partner is doing with his time. This might also reflect a lack of confidence in her. If your belief is such that you know that you are worthy of your partner's love then you will have it without having to fight for it.

You see I think how much time we actually spend with our partners is less important than the quality of that time or the underlying feeling of being, despite their work commitments, more important than anything or anyone else. So a couple might be busy with their lives many hours a day, or even be absent with work that takes them far away from their home town altogether, and still have a very deep and meaningful connection with each other. Each of them just knows that they are still the most important person in the life of another wherever they are.

I would also like to say something about what I'm reading into this question regarding where the man in this relationship is at. What I'm presuming here is that he is indeed very busy in his new venture and rightfully needs to spend time to make his business a success. I also read that it's also important for this man to have some out time which he spends with his mates, maybe even instead of with his partner. So I'm wondering given his partner's frustration and hurt that he has not yet decided that his relationship is really important enough that he is able to assure her of his commitment and love regardless of where he is and what he is doing.

My summation of all of this is simply this: In order to have a long lasting and successful relationship you must ensure that no matter where you are or what you are doing your love is unquestionably with your partner every minute of the day. Even more important is that they know it and feel it.

Relationships naturally take time but what I'm talking about here is more about a fundamental connection you have with each other that never dims even when you are miles away from each other or doing something else.

My thinking then for this couple is that they have some things to sort out and it's not just about how many hours he works or how much time he spends with his mates but about their commitment and deep love of each other allowing them both to feel secure in their relationship. If this were truly the case then every spare minute they have would naturally be with each other as this would be where their love for each other replenishes and energizes them.

What Every Partner Wants - Respect, Kindness, and Consideration

Lizzie and Stu had been married for almost 15 years. Overall they'd both describe the marriage as having been a good one. Now, though, Lizzie was feeling hurt and angry.

Lizzie was on the phone with her sister, trying to explain how she was feeling. Alexis immediately started peppering Lizzie with questions, trying to ferret out the reason for Lizzie's unhappiness. "Is it another woman, Liz? Has he started to drink too much? Is he keeping too tight a grip on the purse-strings? After all, you earn as much as he does? Who does he think he is?!"

"Lexie, stop. It's none of those things. He isn't cheating, he doesn't beat me, he isn't cheap or restricting my spending. You know he doesn't drink. He hasn't started holding up 7-11s either. It's not like that."

"Well, what is it then, Lizzie? He sounds like he's still a great guy."

Lizzie sighed. "He is still a great guy, Lexie, at least to everyone else. It's more that he's just not that nice to me anymore. It's nothing huge; it's more an endless series of small unkindnesses and disrespects."

Just then Stu yelled from upstairs. "Lizzie! Do not tell me that you're on the phone again. You know I wanted the car to be all packed before the night was out."

It was his tone as much as his words that set her teeth on edge. This nasty new habit of his of yelling to her, or at her, from across the house felt so disrespectful.

She turned back to the phone in her hand.

"Did you hear that, Lexie? He's just so... rude. He doesn't treat anyone else like this. He's nice to other people, just not to me."

"So why do you think he's acting like this? Is there trouble at work? Is he not feeling well? Is he worried about something?"

Lizzie sighed again.

"I could probably answer 'yes' to all of those questions, Lexie. His back's been bothering him; the company's having a rough year; and we just don't know what's going on with Sam and school. I get that life isn't all a bowl of cherries for him, or us, right now. I don't need him to be Little Mary Sunshine all the time."

"What is it that you want, Lizzie?"

"Lexie, I just want him to be nice to me." Lizzie sighed again and said, "Lexie, thanks for listening. I'd best go help get the car packed before he bites my head off."

Lizzie headed upstairs, where she was met at the top of the stairs by Stu, who promptly said, "It's about time!"

Lizzie found herself grinding her teeth rather than striking back at Stu.

Just then Stu's cell rang and he turned to answer the call.

He was talking to their neighbor, Justin, who was apparently asking to borrow Stu's leaf blower.

"No problem, Justin. Come on over; I'll meet you at the garage. No, now is fine; I have time. No, no, just bring it back whenever you're done with it. No problem at all."

Lizzie couldn't help but think that she'd wandered into a remake of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

When Dr. Jekyll hung up the phone, it was Mr. Hyde who spoke to her. "Move it along, Liz. Did you really need to be talking to your sister when I wanted you to help with the packing?"

Lizzie stared at Stu for a moment in disbelief. "Excuse me. You were just as warm and friendly as could be to Justin, with whom you are at most a casual friend, making it clear that you have plenty of time for him. As soon as you speak to me, your wife, you seem to lose any shred of respect or kindness."

"Liz, you know perfectly well that we're running out of daylight for getting the car packed."

"Stu, this is not about getting the car packed. This is about why you can be the nice Stu I married when you're interacting with anyone else, but you just can't seem to be nice to me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Liz."

"Look, Stu, you're a good man. I'm just asking for you to treat me with as much consideration and kindness as you would anyone else. Be as considerate of my needs and wishes as you are of Justin's. Is that so much to ask?"

Stu, who really was a good man and who loved Lizzie, could feel the impulse to try to defend himself. But he was also an honest man who recognized that he'd gotten careless and insensitive in his treatment of the person whom he loved most in the world.

He fought down the defensive words and said simply, "I'm sorry, Lizzie."

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Healing After a Failed Relationship Is Possible Only When You Become Aware

If you have a number of failed relationships behind you, it is very likely that you feel wounded, depressed, despaired and lonely. In order to become empowered to develop a healthy and satisfying relationship you first need to heal these wounds. This is possible when you become aware of what it is that makes you fail in the first place.

If you are single and on the dating scene for many years, gotten hurt time and again, you need to heal your wounds before finding and developing a satisfying new relationship. If, on the other hand, you have had a long-term relationship and decided to separate at this point in your life and you wish to begin a new relationship, you might not know how to heal the separation and feel truly "available" for a new intimacy.

The importance of Self-Awareness

Whichever your personal situation is, you might wonder what it will take for you to heal, become empowered and able to develop and maintain a successful intimacy.

This is where Self-Awareness becomes vital and can play a crucial role in your ability to heal and move forward: It is very likely that you - like many others - have failed in your relationships for a number of reasons. Yet, one reason which often plays an enormous part in failed relationships and nonetheless doesn't receive its due attention is the following:

You might not know yourself well enough: you might not be aware of a host of factors, such as needs, fears, unrealistic expectations, messages you internalized at young age from the home and the environment in which you grew up, your belief-system and perception of reality, which exert power over you and control your attitudes and behaviors. Any one of these factors - or a combination of some - might hinder you from developing and maintaining a successful intimacy.

What does becoming aware mean?

Becoming aware means:

* Getting to know and understand yourself better;

* Realizing traits, feelings, attitudes and behaviors you denied and rejected until now, refusing to acknowledge and accept them as part of you;

* It means becoming conscious of the factors which exert power over you and drive you to sabotage your relationships.

As long as you are not aware of the power and damage these factors bring upon you, you will continue walking around wounded, feeling incessantly frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned, angry, desperate and unhappy, without knowing what you should do in order to heal yourself and move forward towards developing a satisfying and healthy relationship.

Awareness and healing are two complementary processes

Awareness and healing are two complementary processes. Through them you get up the courage to be true to yourself; authentic and genuine; connected to your will; acknowledge and accept traits and behaviors you might have denied and rejected within you.

The more you become aware and the more you heal, the more you will strive to increase your awareness and to heal yourself even further. This complementary relationship between awareness and healing will enable you to move forward to developing a successful and healthy intimacy.